“Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.” ---Ernest Hemingway
I'm alive, breathing, watching, looking, and waiting. Waiting for something, I'm not sure what yet, maybe the reason I'm here, or the reason I've tried to write this post fifty times. My world is turning the wrong way, and I can’t quite explain why or how but that just proves I'm less robot than I thought. Robots don't get nervous or sweaty palms when they speak up in class, they don't second guess there answers on the act, they never make a mistake. No I am human and I am proud of my mess ups and 'blonde moments' because they are my own, every mistake I have ever made was my own idea and choice. I can get so angry I scream and so sad that I shake and cry myself to sleep, with only the sound of my own sobs to comfort me. But at least I'm not a robot and neither are you. Why? Because being a robot would mean you don't get to experience love, or heart break, robots cannot cry or pinch themselves in the middle of a nightmare, and do they dream at all? Robots don't get to choose what they want; they have to choose what’s right, the logical way every time. But that's not life no, that's not anything close to living. I've heard of 'people' that die at age 23, but they don't get buried until there 80, you know the type, the ones who decided that growing up means having no adventure at all. I hope I never do that, stop living I mean. Because the life of a robot is soulless and heartbreaking, but I guess as a robot you would never know the difference between heartbreak and bird crap. This is making the whole wizard of oz thing clearer, the tin man wanted a heart so he could know he was alive. That's deep.
Yours,
Peter Van Houten
I found this as deep and cryptic as the spacial background itself. I really enjoy what you have to say here. Best part that took me a minute to figure out; "I've heard of 'people' that die at age 23, but they don't get buried until there 80". That's deep, and so I will always stay 23 until I'm 80. That way I die at 80, but am buried at 23.
ReplyDelete-Shawn
Amen to what Shawn said. That line was breathtaking. Also liked when you talked about the tin man. I never thought about it that way.
ReplyDelete