Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Light it up

I'm at the edge, and no one can pull me back. I don't care what the final product is at this point I just want to see everything envelop in flames and roar in the darkness that already surrounds the area.

   It was already buning when we got here, and we added more gas to the fire and it keeps exploding over and over and over, and then i notice we keep passing the ignitor.

While we wait for it to die down we start to melt to. So fucking light this bitch up. Let's watch it burn. Nothing in that house was worth saving from the start... it was too late for you, it was too late for me, and the blame hasn't got a place to rest.

I'm not going to pretend the smoke is on purpose anymore. We're a mess and the flames are helping, there making us new. So let me know when the ash settles, and the toxic air clears. You can't build a family on sand, cause that was never really a foundation.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Poor me a shot of misery, with a side of bleach

Please... Please just do me a solid, put me on the nearest bus and Send me to the gym, make my muscles call out for water and ignore it. then lend me a bottle of bleach so I can finally be pure perfection my momma is always telling me about. Do me a favour? Break my smart phone and then we will see if I can live without being intoxicated by the backlit screen. Sit me on the nearest park bench, and find my weakest link. I want you to crush my dreams and re build me to be normal, because the public school system didn't get me all the way the first time around. I'm tired of thinking for forever and planning for the future, because no one is getting out of here alive and tomorrow could be my day to die, and I don't want my last moment to be thinking about Pi... Let me play on the yellow line that scares you all so much and try to wreck my day. I choose to be happy, and I choose to be here. If you want me to stop, then I guess we should appear at work tomorrow morning at 9:00am sharp so we will make it to our lunch hour at exactly 11:35, we will have only 30-3 quarters of an hour to race the rest of the millions to eat something we can't afford, and when we finish our day at half past 5, we will sit on the freeway with McDonald's salty fries and think about the days we spent in out tenth grade English class, and think about the ways we conformed to adulthood tasks. By the time you arrive home you'll try reading this again, and poor yourself a glass full of bleach for yourself, because we all think we should suffer for the world is our little hell.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

I never want to forget

One day from now, you won't remember the sound of the fire alarm.

One week from now you won't remember the stain on your white shoes, and another two weeks after that you won't remember the colour of the dress you wore to the prom.

Three months from the day, the smell of the ocean will be only but a distant dream, and you'll be spending the rest of time thinking, 'the push and pull of the shoreline is missing something important.'

A year and a half from now the sound of that song you love won't make you laugh anymore. And the lyrics will stay wrapped in the beat you can't stand, nothing will be special about it now.

Every moment your heart beats your closer to the end, and every word you type, speak, and sing the timmer is preparing to scream.

I'm watching the invisible clock on the wall, and I can see the ships sale across the horizon in water that will never touch the bow that same way again. 

One day we will forget about our first love, and the way getting on a escalator was the most stressful task a 6 year old could think of. Your mothers voice will be but a forgotten passcode to your first phone. 

I'm scared.

And so are you.

Eventually we will forget about the fear too. 

At least you can hide your own Easter basket. 

Remember that the color in the sky is there right now... And one day you won't know how the clouds swirled, or the way it felt to be hugged. 

I'll remember the bad if I can keep the good too, I just never want to forget.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

What feels right

And some days you've got to stop worrying about the future and just sit in your back yard and look at the stars, because that's the only way to remember what really matters anymore. You've got to love yourself, even when you don't think you can. Eat 5¢ candies till you feel sick, and when you think you're done, go to the park and swing as high as you can, and maybe you'll feel like your flying. Wake up early and see the sun dry out the dark sky, and don't think about anything but the colors swirling together like Cotten candy at the state fair. And when you feel like falling down, get your ass up, try your best to live, and do what feels right. Who needs drugs when you've got life.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Exit wounds

I can tell things aren't going to be the same, and I know that some day they will be better. I hope that everyone got what they wanted, and even though I know you're going through something right now, I hope you find yourself again... Every once in a while I get a clip of what life would have been like if nothing had happened. I hope that one day you forget what others thought and when you think of what happened in your life you think of how far you've come. The hardest part in all of this is trying to patch up all of the big mistakes and wounds that were left exposed for too long. I know you're figuring stuff out right now, and you might be here but you're mind is elsewhere... And wherever you find yourself these days, I hope you feel free. I hope you see what life can be and you feel like trying to stand up one more time, with the chance it might be the time your legs don't give out. I hope you are not beating yourself up over anything, and you give yourself credit where its due. I wonder about the days ill see you again, the you that I remember, the you that wouldn't leave me waiting on your last word, the you that would take down mountains to clear the obstacle in you're path, even if it wasn't the easier way. I know you're in there somewhere, and I hope you can find the exit wounds, just because you left your mistakes there doesn't mean they left you.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Standing in the heart of darkness

God I miss you. I miss you like the stars miss the sky, and the sun misses the moon. I miss you more than winter misses summer or the fall misses the spring. I miss you so much It hurts to think. I miss you more than my body misses sleep, and I mean it. 
I miss you 
I miss you
I miss all of you
Especially in this moment, and my eyes sting with the memory of everything.
I miss you so much I'm not going to tell you. I miss that smile, those eyes, the way you sound after you lie... I miss you.
The good and the bad, and everything In between and I hope you're not missing me like this too because it hurts like hell. I just needed someone to know, I miss you more than music misses a beat, more than oceans misses the beach. I miss you.

Like a bullet from a gun

I can't remember the last time I knew where I was going. And I think I want to be myself again but I'm not sure who that is. Someone told me I'm on the real world now, and I think I got locked in. Greens not a creative Color here. That cannot be true though because green makes me write about dinosaurs invading Mars, to save the one they love. And green makes me think of four leaf clovers and leprecons. And green makes me feel like falling in love. Where can I see the rule book for this 'real world' I've been hearing about. I came out of high school like a bullet from a gun, and I'm still trying to figure out who pulled the trigger, let alone raised the gun.